Citroen C1

I spend days and nights losing the battle that rages on within the confines of my own cranium. Now mind you, in a physical sense it is a vast battlefield, but in a less literal sense it would seem pretty sparse. So what is it that continues to roll around, undermining my own life from well within it? My own brain seems to play the part of double agent in some bad 60's spy film. Always out to sabotage myself. I can't get the the rest of my head around it, which of course creates a nice circular issue. It's the same principle as needing a cup of coffee in the morning before being awake enough to be able to actually operate the coffee machine and make one. I overthink thoughts that aren't there and allow ones that are there to get so grossly out of control by the time they cross the frontal lobe I can hardly believe I came up with it... well, all this rambling aside, I had best get back to beating myself to a pulp and being the only hinderance to my own success. See you all in the mediocrity... and the citroen? Look it up, the automobile world's D student.

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Time Flies...

...when you're having fun, or so they say. I have been having fun, and if all goes well, will continue to do so. I started, and abruptly stopped, posting to this blog during what was, and hopefully will be, one of the "darkest" times of my life. I am still here, I am doing well and am unbelievably thankful. I hope to use this forum in a fashion much more akin to the rest of my family, rather than a silent therapist.

Here's to another day...

Ramblings 1.0

This will be neither eloquent nor well spoken... This is an attempt to distract myself from the dangers that lie outside my door.  I have once again found myself observing the real world from the rim of a bottle.  I do not have excuses...there is no underlying alternative reason for my transgressions and abuses.  I utterly and deeply love the haze of watching the real world pass me by... There's a certain quiet peace in being numb to reality.  Oddly enough the perfect time to reflect and contemplate and yet you are physically and mentally unable to complete a coherent thought.  Figure that out...  They say the first step is recognizing and admitting there actually is a problem... I have hopefully succeeded in both.  Now comes the incredibly long and arduous task of righting my wrongs.  I expect no "atta boys" and if I can be so presumptive ask any be skipped...if I do this right this then this will be indexed ramblings of an always recovering alcoholic... There is no cure for a disease that is not in m opinion a medical one, contrary to opinions or medical theory.  I categorically affirm to you it is a choice.
here's to tomorrow....